What can I say, other than it’s been a thrilling cage match on the American electoral left? Bernie Sanders–a wild-haired, gesticulating Jewish socialist from the micro State of Vermont–has given the most established, bankrolled, anointed candidate in my lifetime a Lovecraftian scare. He landed several hard punches and threatened an early submission. He set fire to millions of progressives who have been dry in the throat for the emergence of a real, popular progressive in our perpetually right-wing nation. He’s agitated, inspired, and sold out arenas with wild, optimistic enthusiasm, forcing his centrist opponent to tack to the left along the way. Bernie has birthed a tsunami of grass roots support–both philosophically and financially–and our country will never be quite the same. He moved the goal posts. For the first time in American history, the word “socialism” is not seen as a universal pejorative: it is, rather, understood and embraced by millions. But sadly, in a country as large as ours, “millions” just aren’t enough.
Bernie is officially toast. Clinton delivered the knockout punch today, sweeping five states, including the behemoths of Illinois, Ohio, and Florida. It was a great, exciting run, but he’s just not going to get there, even if he picks up gains on the ripe orchards of the west coast. This particular fight is over. He can continue to stagger, steal, and get whupped on some more, or he can tap out.
It will be Clinton vs.Trump in the general. This is what the numbers dictate. It is an is. So guess what? Despite the fact that the guy saying everything we liked will now never sit in the Oval Office, we need to do everything we can possibly do to defeat Trump, or Shrumpf, or Champion Tit Bigot Eraserdick the XVI. We need to rally everyone to take this moaning mound of isotopic foreskin down. I’m sorry that Hillary doesn’t meet your litmus test for ideological purity (she certainly doesn’t for me), but Trump is beyond odious. He’s a maggoty skidmark, a bellowing State Fair sales pavilion emcee stroking off know-nothing semen scabs. He would be an unmitigated disaster of Chernobylian proportions–an explosive septic supernova for both America and the world. If defeating his clawing ambitions means throwing my weight behind Hillary Clinton, then dress me up in a pantsuit and call me Ben Fucking Ghazi, ‘cuz I’m there.
The stakes have never been higher. This asshole CANNOT be handed the reins of power. There is a storm surge of stupid rolling over us right now and it’s time to sandbag this shit once and for all. What happened in Chicago last week was a good start. Every Trump rally from here on out should be met with thousands of young, pissed off, two-fisted leftists. That’s how fascist rallies are targeted in Europe, so why not in America? It’s time to toss aside the effete, passive image of the latte liberal and instead channel your own Woody Guthrie, Malcom X, or hammer-brandishing Wobblie. Burn your Birkenstocks and strap on a pair of Docs.
In the meantime, vote for Hillary.
She’s not going to change thing massively for the better, but her tenure will be at least be competent. Overall, the USS Hillary will sail smoothly. She won’t smash into any icebergs. She will simply stay the course with the steadiest, if not most exciting, of hands.
Yeah, I know it sucks, but consider the alternative. President Trump? Think about that. Really. Think. And if any of you Sandernistas actually believe that Bernie can win as an independent, you’re high on spray paint, gas, or glue. Or perhaps all three.